The Sex Talk
by xChibiDragonx
Summary: Vegeta and Goku decide it's time to give Trunks and Goten...the sex talk. Knowing the two saiyan fathers and the two young boys, what questions are bound to pop up in this conversation?


**Note: **Here's my newest story, you have no idea how fun this was to write! Hopefully you can at least get a smile out of this, enjoy and review!

**The Sex Talk**

"Come on Vegeta! We're going to have to do it some time..." Goku stated for the hundredth time, tapping his finger on the dining table of Bulma's and Vegeta's house. Vegeta did a face palm and grunted, "Yeah, I know that Kakarrot. But to have the conversation when they're eight?" Goku patted him on the back. "The quicker you do it, the less painful it is." he said trying to persuade him.

Goku and Vegeta were arguing about when to give their sons, Trunks and Goten, the dreaded talk. The sex talk to be exact. The boys were now getting to the age where they needed to know about this particular subject.

Vegeta sighed and lifted his hands from his face. "I hate to admit it, but I think that might be true." Goku smiled. "Yeah, and hey, it's not like I _want _to give Goten this talk, it's a bit weird. But he needs it. If you make it uncomfortable, imagine how the kids will feel." Vegeta glared at him and growled. "Are saying that I'm going to make it weird? What about you Kakarrot?"

Goku put his hands up trying to keep him from losing his head, "I didn't mean anything by that. I'm just saying, this has to be put...delicately." Vegeta lowered his gaze from Goku's face and stared off into space dreading the upcoming discussion. Goku started walking for the hallway and when he reached the doorway , he turned to face Vegeta, "Hey, listen. I'm going to get the little guys, want to come or stay here?" Vegeta waved him away and muttered, "I'll stay, you bring them here to the kitchen." Goku gave him a quick thumbs up and left.

It was quiet, except for the loud thoughts running through Vegeta's mind as he thought to himself. _This is ridiculous. Why should I, the Prince of all Saiyans, have to teach my son sex ed? Isn't that what that woman, Bulma, is for? Or what about that damn school of his? Don't they have some class for this? Argh! This is going to be harder for me than it is for Trunks. What am I supposed to say? _Vegeta was growing very agitated and began tapping his foot impatiently. "Well, if were going to do this, Kakarrot better speed it up."

Suddenly there were loud footsteps coming down the stair way. "Move it Trunks!" came a voice. "Nope! I'm going to get there first!" Shortly after that, Trunks slid into the kitchen panting. "Yes! How's it taste Goten! The taste of defeat!" he yelled back into the hallway. Goten caught up and was also panting with his hands on his knees. "No fair! You cheated!" he complained.

Goku picked Goten up unexpectedly. "Whoa!" he exclaimed. Goku just laughed. "It's okay sport. Not everybody wins. Maybe you'll get him next time." he encouraged. Goten smiled. Trunks turned to his father and grinned widely. "So, Goku said you wanted to talk to us about something important. What is it?" he asked. "Uhhh..." Vegeta started but was cut off by Goten.

"Oh! I know! Whatever Trunks told you, it's not true! He made me push that lady. It's not my fault she can't swim! I told the police that, but they didn't believe me!" he said panicked. Goku and Vegeta were both silent. "Wait, what? What are you talking about Goten?" Goku asked puzzled. Goten, understanding that this is not the discussion he thought it was, waved him off nervously. "Oh nothing dad! Nothing at all! S-so what is it you want to talk about, huh?" Goku pursed his lips but let it go.

"Anyway, Vegeta and I want to talk about sex with you two." Trunks backed away alarmed. "Arghh! What's wrong with you! I knew you guys loved me but that's just..." "We don't mean it like that boy!" Vegeta snapped at him. Trunks laughed. "I know! I'm just giving you a hard time!" Goten started laughing with him giving him a fist pound. Goku smiled. "Alright, that's enough you two. What I meant was me and Vegeta here, are going to give you the sex talk."

Goten interrupted. "Ohhh! I get it now! That song 'Let's talk about sex' is about their parents giving them the sex talk! That's so cool." Goku and Vegeta sighed simultaneously. "Uhh, not exactly Goten." Goku smiled awkwardly. "So then what's it about?" he asked. Vegeta interrupted. "Listen! Shut up and let's get this over with!" Goten sat down quickly and folded his hands. "Sorry sir!" he apologized and leaned over to whisper in Trunk's ear, "Wow, your dad is _crabby! _Not that he isn't most of the time..." Trunks nodded his head. "True that."

Vegeta stood up. "Okay, listen. I'm going to put this _delicately."_ he said glaring at Goku who was smiling encouragingly. "I don't want you having sex until your married." he finished bluntly. Goku whispered loudly. "Yeah, that was real delicate!" Vegeta shrugged. The two young boys just sat there. "Okay! No sex until marriage!" Trunks said nodding his head. Then he looked at Vegeta and smiled. "What's sex?"

Vegeta's mouth fell to the ground, he didn't think he would have to explain what sex _was. _Goku laughed quietly to himself and whispered to Vegeta, "I feel sorry for you dude. You have to explain what sex is to Trunks!" Goku felt a small tug on his pants. He looked down and saw Goten. "What is it Goten." "I'm with Trunks. What is sex?" Goten asksed. Goku lifted his head slowly and looked at Vegeta who was smirking at him. "Shut up..." he muttered at Vegeta. Vegeta laughed to himself.

"Hey! Hello! We had a question. I'm wondering, is this sex thing something I can do with Goten?" Trunks asked a bit irritated. Goku thought for a while and started, "Well..." Vegeta cut in, "No, it's not something you can do with Goten." Trunks shrugged it off and repeated his question, "Okay, so anyway, your were saying? What is sex?"

Goku cleared his throat. "Sex is...a time when...uh...Let's see. When a man and woman, who love each other get together and uhh..." "Kiss?" Goten asked. Goku grinned. "Uh, yeah, kinda." Trunks and Goten looked at each other and grimaced, and Goten exclaimed, "Eww! Gross! You're like all up in a girl's face kissing her. Nasty! And I've seen when they have their mouth open and everything. I'm gonna barf! Yuck, girl cooties! Why would you wanna do that?" Totally ignoring them, Vegeta scoffed at Goku's answer, "Pfft. Yeah right Kakarrot, kissing is not all, sounds like you left out some other things." he taunted trying to make this harder on Goku.

Goku smiled and looked at him, "Oh yeah, that's right. Since you caught that, you can explain it to them." he said sarcastically. Vegeta's smile dropped instantly and Trunks and Goten both turned their attention to him. "What did dad leave out?" Goten asked innocently. Vegeta gulped, and muttered, "Nothing, he didn't leave anything out that I know about."

Trunks lifted his finger up as he remembered something. "Hey! This kinda sounds like this thing I read in a science book about insects. And I was reading this section about Praying Mantises'. They were saying something about 'mating'?" Vegeta took this opportunity to get out of his situation. "Yes! Yes, sex is pretty much mating. Just like that Praying Mantis." he said quickly.

Trunks face became terrified. "Oh my god! That means...THE WOMAN I FALL IN LOVE WITH WILL KILL ME AND EAT ME!" Trunks started to cry and so did Goten. "I'M NEVER GOING TO MATE IN MY LIFE! I DON'T WANT TO BE EATEN!" They bawled together. Vegeta and Goku both sighed. "Why would you think your woman would eat you?" Vegeta asked with his face in his hand.

Trunks sniffed and muttered, "Well, when I finished the paragraph, it said 'after mating, the female Praying Mantis kills the male partner and eats the body.' So if it's the same...that means I'm dinner!" he cried. Vegeta sighed in frustration. "Okay, let's get this straight for you, alright? Sex is like mating, but just not the last part with the killing and the eating. If that were true, Kakarrot and I wouldn't be here." he finished.

Goten and Trunks eye's widened and their mouths dropped. Vegeta, not understanding their shock asked, "What? What are you looking at? What did I..." Then it hit him. _Great, now I'm in for it._ He thought to himself rolling his eyes. Goten stuttered. "Y-you had sex before!" he looked at Goku, "And you too dad!" Goku stood there silent trying to think on how to answer them. Trunks looked at Goten. "Whoa! I never knew!"

Goku explained slowly, "Well, yes. I can't deny that, but that's how I got you and your brother Gohan. And that's how Vegeta got you Trunks." Trunks turned to Vegeta. "So you...and mom! Wow! Did it hurt?" he asked, wanting to know more. Vegeta was about to explode, he tried to compose himself before he answered his son. "No. It didn't hurt Trunks." Goten interrupted, "Did it tickle?" Vegeta made a fist at his side. "No, it doesn't _tickle_."

Goten frowned and looked at Goku. "Dad, he isn't making any sense, if it doesn't hurt and it doesn't tickle, what does it feel like?" Goku patted Goten on the back. "You sure ask a lot of questions son. Some of them I don't know how to answer." "Yeah, but if you did it, you must of felt something," said Goten challengingly. Goku put his hand behind his head and scratched it muttering, "Well, yeah I felt something, but..." Goten interrupted, "Well then what did it feel like?"

Vegeta, who couldn't take anymore of this yelled, "IT FEELS FANTASTIC! There, you happy?" Trunks and Goten both smiled. "Yup!" Trunks continued. "But what doesn't make any sense is if it feels so great, why does Mom scream?" Vegeta's eyebrows raised, he couldn't believe his son was asking him questions like this.

"Sorry Trunks, but I don't really want to go there, you'll have you ask your mother that." Trunks smirked. "Judging by the way you answered that, sounds like you're the one causing her screaming." Vegeta blushed a bright red and muttered angrily, "Of course I'm the one that's...never mind, just drop it." Goku was snickering to himself in a corner, trying to hold in all the laughter that just wanted to burst out.

The boys looked at each other and whispered quietly, "Whoa cool! I wanna have sex and make a girl scream too! That would be so awesome! The great thing is the girl doesn't seem to mind so we wouldn't get in trouble for hurting them. How cool is that!" Trunks said excitedly. Goten looked at the dads and asked, "Hey! When can we have sex! I want to make a girl scream!"

Both Goku and Vegeta's eyes widened. "Whoa! No no no! Wait, hold up! I don't think you get this, this is a different kind of scream." Vegeta said quickly. "Then what kind of scream is it?" Trunks asked looking at Vegeta. "Any time you can make a chick scream is awesome. It sure seems like _you_ like making Mom scream. I hear it a few times a week. I can't wait til I can do that!" Trunks continued. "Let's get it on."

Vegeta sighed, "Now that will _definitely _have to wait until you're older." Trunks and Goten just shrugged, "Sure, anything that is fun you tell us we have to wait. The one time we can make a girl scream and not get into trouble. Whoa! Can't wait. This better be worth the wait!"

Vegeta growled under his breath, "Kakarrot this was all your idea. We should have waited until they were just a bit older." Goten was shaking his head, "Man, this sex thing is confusing. It feels good, but people scream." Trunks interrupted Goten. "How often do people have sex?" Vegeta looked at Goku, "Here Kakarrot, you can answer this question." he said with a fake smile.

Goku made a face and looked at Trunks, "Uhh, let's just say it varies for different people." Trunks thought for a moment and asked, "Well, how often do you?" Vegeta couldn't hold it, he let out a loud laugh. "Ha ha ha! Well Kakarrot, why don't you answer the boy? Don't make this uncomfortable for the them. Go ahead and answer him." Goku gulped nervously, not wanting to answer the question and giving Vegeta the evil eye. "Trunks, listen, that's more of a personal question." he said cautiously.

Understanding, Trunks nodded his head. "Ohh! I get it, you're embarrassed to say it because you do it a lot, right?" Vegeta let out another hearty laugh. Goku was now blushing red, "Okay, let's just end this little discussion, shall we?" Trunks and Goten just shrugged.

Goten looked at Goku, "If you say so dad." Trunks laughed. "Yeah, this was fun! We should do it again sometime!" Vegeta and Goku both cringed at that idea. "Yeah, well maybe later, when your a little older, huh?" Goku suggested. "Alright, whatever." They both said. The two boys ran off and returned to what ever they were doing before.

Vegeta looked at Goku. "Well Kakarrot, that was an interesting little topic, wouldn't you agree?" Goku shook his head trying to get the whole incident out of his mind already. "Yeah, maybe we should have waited just a bit longer." he agreed. Suddenly Trunks popped his head in and smiled. "What? What is it boy? Don't tell me it's another ridiculous question..." Vegeta groaned.

Trunks shook his head laughing. "I thought I'd just tell you, Mom did a lot better job with explaining this whole thing than you two did!" and with that he left laughing. Vegeta and Goku looked at each other realizing they just been had. And without another word, the two of them left the kitchen cursing under their breaths.

xChibi Dragonx


End file.
